The 52 special

City Honors Fallen Hero

by Noah Vince – Daily Planet Senior Entertainment Columnist

METROPOLIS, APRIL 27 — 

Earlier this week, a group of unwitting Metropolis school children rejoiced as Paper Mache Guy, the piñata-like hero who was granted his “superpowers” from Lex Luthor’s Everyman Project, met with an untimely death during their third grade class’s early celebration of Cinco de Mayo. The unfortunate accident was met only with cheers as the students reveled in the demise of the candy-filled hero, ruthlessly rooting through his carcass for delicious treats. Shocked by the brutal news, the Mayor’s office has declared this week Paper Mache Guy week, in honor of the man whose death accidentally brought smiles to so many.

The following local venues will be hosting planned events for the week-long celebration/mourning:

Metropolis Museum of Natural History – Monday 4/30

Ever been curious about the illustrious history of paper mache? Us neither! But if you’re in the mood to get back at your kids for throwing that tantrum while you were on the phone with your boss, drag the little buggers up to the Upper West Side’s largest exhibit of paper mache masks, piñatas, and false idols. The first fifty visitors will receive a free torn up newspaper and bag of flour!

The New Troy Zoo – Tuesday 5/1

It’s the ultimate scavenger hunt as children will have the time of their lives searching the zoo grounds for actual candy pieces direct from the corpse of Paper Mache Guy himself. Hey kids, I’d double check the monkey house if I were you. Is that a Jolly Rancher I spot underneath that 300-pound gorilla? I wouldn’t doubt it! 

Winslow’s Toys – Wednesday 5/2

What better way to honor the death of a loved one than to purchase a tiny, inanimate plastic replica of him? Come down to Winslow’s Toys at noon and be the first in line to own your very own Paper Mache Guy action figure. And just like the real deal, pop off Paper Mache Guy’s head to reveal a vast treasure trove of candy wonders. Available in Mountainberry or Tutti Fruity Punch.

Al’s Auto Garage – Thursday 5/3

Al doesn’t have any idea who Paper Mache Guy is, but he would like people to know that his garage is “pretty okay” when it comes to prices, and that you probably won’t get “ripped off too much” if you bring your car there. Al is currently dating the Mayor’s daughter.

Siegel Piers – Friday 5/4

Batter up! That’s right, at six p.m., the renowned Siegel batting cages will be littered with Paper Mache Guy life-size dummies. So dust off the old cleats, grab your slugger of choice, and take a swing at one of hundreds of realistic effigies. Who knows, you could walk out of there carrying an arm full of candy treats!

City Hall – Saturday 5/5

Join Paper Mache Guy’s family and friends as they bid their loved one a final farewell in a live press conference from the courthouse steps. Listen in as they discuss favorite moments, fond memories, and what particular piece of candy they enjoyed the most when they were picking apart his delicious insides.

Ask Prof. Expert!

Bring on The Thunder!

Dollers & Sense

Kentucky Derby Shocker: Bizzarbaro Runs Backwards Into History

Missing Heroes?

Star City Disaster

WGBS Announces Summer Season

Kahndaq To Open Embassy in Big Apple

Ask Prof. Expert!

Lex Luthor Guilty AND Innocent!

Wild Animals or Wild Imaginations?

What They Do

Ask Prof. Expert!

Despite Catastrophe, Fans Line Up for Comic-Con: Sub Diego

After the Crisis, Summer ends Early

Tarnished: Booster Approval Ratings Show “No Confidence”

Going For The Gold: Supernova Outshines Former Hero

Ask Prof. Expert!

Terror Teen Thwarted at Kahndaq Royal Wedding

Mysterious Signal From Space Received

This Chimp Can Chat

Booster Gold Funeral Draws Few

A Steel Trap

New Infinity, Inc. debuts, loses member

Luthor comeback continues

Review: The INFINITE CRISIS novel

Scientist disappearances continue; Magnus Now Among the Missing

Metropolis Massacre: “NEW JLA” Disbands Under Shadow Of Failure

Infinity Inc. Foils Daring Halloween Heist

Black Adam’s Halloween Hooey

Lola’s Lair: Starlight has ‘Star Quality’

“Everyman” Subject Turns to Crime

Bat-Signal Shines Again: The Light’s Back On, But Is Anybody Home?

The Turkey Man Speaks

Luthor Promises Safe, Fun Thanksgiving Parade

Madness at the Metropolis Mall

Drunken Magic Show Frightens Tourists

American Titan?

Dear Santa…

The Eve of Destruction – Part One

The Eve of Destruction – Part Two

Man on the Street

Teenager Arrested for Theft, Secedes from Country

Crazy Weather Confounds Citizens

Tourist Troubles in Kahndaq

The Fall of an Empire?

Your Valentine Horoscope

Fireside Reading

Remembering the Dibnys

Moments of Silence

In Pursuit of Death

Luthor in Lock Up

Ask Prof. Expert!

Man on the Street 2

Where are they now?

Doom Comes to Pisa

City Honors Fallen Hero

Interoffice Emails

Latest Online Edition

Latest Magazine