The 52 special

Infinity Inc. Foils Daring Halloween Heist

by Lois Lane

NEW YORK, NEW YORK, OCTOBER 26 — 

Manhattan’s annual Halloween Day parade has always been quite the spectacle for even the most jaded of New Yorkers, but this year’s festivities were made even more memorable by the brazen bank robbery attempt by refuted super criminals Icicle and the Tigress.

The place was the 6th Avenue branch of the 1st Wheeler-Nicholson Bank in Manhattan’s West Village. The scene was a chaotic street full of men, women and children wearing costumes, the bulk of which paid homage to the super-individuals among us. In a street packed with Supermen, Supernovas, and Superchimps, who would notice a woman in a jungle-themed outfit, or her partner, sporting the latest in skin-tight blue holiday wear, walking casually into a crowded bank near closing time? Or at least that was the thinking behind the would-be modern Bonnie and Clyde duo of Icicle and the Tigress.

“It was one of those days, ya’ know?” said Meg Delcher, a twenty-four-year old teller at Wheeler-Nicholson. “I had one lady, claimed her bank account was emptied by, like some other version of herself or something. From like a parallel universe she says. Yeah, like I don’t hear that one all the time. Then I got this old dude who brings in a sac full of pennies, and wants me ta’ count ’em up for him. Then this drunk guy in a Doll Man costume mistakes the information desk for a restroom. So, no, I didn’t think nothing of it when Jungle Lady and Freeze Boy come in all lovey-dovey spoutin’ off about some stick up. I mean, they didn’t have guns or nothing.”

However, the severity of the situation was soon made apparent when Icicle froze the feet of a security guard to the floor.

“Yeah, I thought something was up when the ice guy was all yelling and stuff and I noticed I could see my breath,” Delcher continued. “At first, I thought that the boss was just being cheap again, and not turning on the heat or something. Then I saw the guy shoot ice out of his hands, so I started to think, hey, you know, this might be for real. I totally should have called in sick today.”

Delcher said she complied with the criminal’s wishes, and filled a briefcase for the Tigress full of large bills. “I didn’t see ’em anymore after that, ’cause I was busy hiding under my desk. I found a quarter down there, though.”

Even more pandemonium broke out as Lex Luthor’s Infinity Inc. super team arrived outside the bank and swiftly apprehended the two supervillains. “I couldn’t see much what happened,” said Michael Pasilico, 73, of Long Island, New York. “I heard a loud crash, and then there was this crowd, and then some lady appeared out of nowhere, I think. It was hard to tell what was going on. I was just trying to count my pennies.”

Icicle and the Tigress were taken into police custody. No representative from Infinity Inc. was available for comment.

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