Drunken Magic Show Frightens Tourists
by R.F. Mann, Daily Planet Contributing Reporter
METROPOLIS, DECEMBER 7 —
Several tourists visiting from rural Haneyville were shocked earlier today when they encountered what they assumed was a disembodied floating head hovering around the base of the Superman statue in Perez Park.
“We were just buying a pretzel,” said Genevieve Finck, 49, visiting the city for the week with her 18-year-old boyfriend Johnathan Montgomery. “I turn around and there it is, this bright yellow creepy floating head thing. It scared the begezus out of me.”
“It looked more like an upside down trash can,” said Montgomery. “Like a big old gold ash tray or something. But, you know… spookier.”
Despite the discrepancies in their descriptions, both Finck and Montgomery agreed on the fact that the glowing head stayed in the vicinity of a couple who were talking casually near the memorial statues. Apparently, the mysterious couple talked for a few minutes, and then parted ways, the floating head leaving with the man.
“The man looked, like, super drunk,” said Finck, “like he hadn’t shaved or taken a bath for six years or something. I remember that the girl he was with looked way too young for him, too. It just made the whole floating head thing creepier.”
“Yeah I saw the chick,” added Montgomery. “Super hot. Her hair did this cute little flippy thing, and she had a little pouty look, you know? And these really blue eyes. Like endless pools of ocean water. She had a cute little walk, and I didn’t notice a ring on her finger or anything, so I think she’s single. Yeah, there was a guy with her, but I don’t really remember him much. I think he had black hair? But let me tell you more about the girl, though…”
David Goodman, a Metropolis native and resident for the last 78 years, had a different account of the encounter. “Wasn’t no floating head. Wasn’t no mystical helmet neither. I seen this guy hundreds of times, asking for my hard-earned money every day. He’s one of these street performer types, you know ’em? Ones that rather beg outside like pigeons in the park than work a respectable nine to five like everyone else. Makes me sick, I tell you.”
Goodman went on to detail how this particular “magic trick” was done. “It’s mirrors and wires, you see it? They set ’em up before you get there, so you get all caught by surprise. But it ain’t no magic. I’ll tell you what’s magic, if you wanna’ know. Me having enough patience to talk to you all afternoon when you’re making me late for work. Now get outta’ my way. These encyclopedias ain’t gonna’ sell themselves.”
Despite Metropolis being home to many paranormal and metaphysical phenomena, this reporter remains skeptical of Finck and Montgomery’s story. It seems the attack of the “floating head dude” may be nothing more than the combination of a semi-impressive illusion and the active imagination of wide-eyed tourists.