The 52 special

Kentucky Derby Shocker: Bizzarbaro Runs Backwards Into History

by Ajax McGilicutty, Daily Planet Contributing Sports Reporter

LOUISVILLE, KY, MAY 8 — He may have ran the entire race backwards, but Bizzarbaro, with jockey Cromano Clooney making rude faces at her fellow riders, routed a confused field on his way to the fastest Kentucky Derby time ever. The albino thoroughbred tripped out of the gate, but the determined horse eventually galloped to the lead of the pack, and never looked back — even though he was looking (and running) backwards the entire race! 

“Me am sad Bizzarbaro lost race,” Bizzarbaro said. That’s right, not only is this chalky-skinned horse a record-setting racer, but he also can talk! 

The unorthodox Bizzarbaro began the race by stumbling and nearly falling in a heap, but then thundered to the lead at the top of the stretch and won the Derby by a record-setting 12 2/3rds lengths on Saturday, handing jockey Cromano Clooney her first winning ride. 

“I know Bizzarbaro’s racing style is, well, odd, but I also know he’s a comet of a horse,” Clooney stated. “At first I just hung on for my life, but once I realized we were going to win I decided to let the other jockeys know exactly what I thought of them. They’ve been making fun of Bizzarbaro and me for months now. But who got the last laugh? Eat it, losers!” 

“Me hate Cromano,” Bizzarbaro added. “She never pet Bizzarbaro or feed Bizzarbaro carrots.” 

Beginning as the 52-1 last place choice by an audience of 157,536 — the 2nd largest in Derby history — Bizzarbaro completed the 11/4 miles in 1:37.19, shattering Secretariat’s 1973 record of 1:59 2/5. 

“What can I say?” Cromano said. “He may run backwards, but he’s a winner!” 

“Me hate losing. Me hate carrots,” Bizzarbaro agreed.