Booster Gold Funeral Draws Few
by Clark Kent
CINCINNATI, OHIO, SEPTEMBER 14 —
Three weeks after his shocking death while defending Metropolis from a giant monster, the super hero known as Booster Gold has finally been laid to rest. But despite dying as a hero, the scandal marking the former Justice Leaguer’s last few months hung over his funeral, resulting in low turnout and no city with which he had a prior relationship willing to serve as host for the event.
Funeral arrangements were made by Skeets, Booster’s small, gravity-defying, robotic sidekick, who was in attendance.
“Cincinnati was the only city I could find that was free of anti-Booster sentiment,” said Skeets. “He’d never been here.”
With the exception of the Beefeater, from England, none of Booster’s former associates from the Justice League was sighted at the funeral. As Booster was supposedly from the 25th century, there were no next of kin in attendance. It is likely that any of his ancestors living in this era are unaware of their family connection to him. Other attendees included unknown costumed individuals hired for the event, who acknowledged that they had never met Booster Gold before.
It can be said, however, that Booster was given a send-off that reflected his life, especially towards the end. Much like the uniform he wore, his coffin was adorned with corporate logos, including those of Lit Beer, Pep Cereals, Soder Cola, and Big Belly Burger, as well as local businesses such as Cap’s Hobby Shoppe and EZ Caskets, which provided Booster’s coffin for free in exchange for the promotion.
“In all my years in the business, I’ve never seen advertising on a coffin before,” said EZ Caskets proprietor Phil Graves. “But the little floating robot told me this Buster Google fellow would have loved it, so who am I to argue?”