The 52 special

Ask Prof. Expert!

by Charles Expert, Professor of Advice-ology

METROPOLIS, MAY 26 — 

Dear Prof. Expert, 

I have a teenage son that does well in school, is fairly athletic, and has a well-rounded social life. He is extremely responsible for his age and even has a part time job at the local S.T.A.R. labs. As our only child, my wife and I are extremely proud of him and count our blessings daily. However, lately, we’ve begun to worry. 

It started with some very late nights at work, and there have been mornings when it looks like his bed hasn’t been slept in at all. Once an open and gregarious kid, he has become increasingly private and secretive. He broke up with his girlfriend and his school has informed us that he’s even missed some classes. This is not like him at all! 

Lately, my wife and I have been woken up in the middle of the night by strange noises coming from his room. We respect his privacy and don’t usually intrude, but the noises were growing increasingly odd and we just had to investigate. We found bizarre colorful tights shoved under his bed and a heavy black belt festooned with silver boxes and colored buttons. I pressed a large yellow button and the family cat disappeared in a puff of smoke with a loud “Zop” noise! 

When we confronted him he dismissed it all as a costume for a school play, but he was clearly bothered by our intrusion and couldn’t get away from us fast enough! 

We love our son, but are becoming increasingly concerned about his safety – and ours!  
Help us Prof. Expert! 

Dad In Danger

Dear Dad, 

You son is clearly a liar and probably a dangerous sociopath. He’s is obviously some kind of super-villain. I wouldn’t confront him any more unless you want to lose more than just some household pets. You should quit being so selfish and accept his mad brilliance. Being the parents of an evil genius can have handsome rewards. You don’t hear Mr. Mind’s parents complaining, do you? In addition, following his inevitable capture and imprisonment you have plausible deniability. 

Prof. Expert Out!