Luthor in Lock Up
by Lois Lane
METROPOLIS, MARCH 22 —
On New Year’s Day, thousands of onlookers were witness to one of the greatest disasters this city has ever experienced when hundreds of paid subscribers to Lex Luthor’s Everyman Project suddenly lost control of their newly granted superpowers and in many cases fell out of the sky onto the innocent bystanders gathered below. This week Lex Luthor was finally taken into police custody for his involvement with that tragedy, and it seems a lifetime of shady business dealings have caught up with him at last. I sat down with the former President and Metropolis Golden Boy, albeit separated from him by a thick sheet of bulletproof glass, to hear his side of the story. Because he always has one.
Daily Planet: So Lex, what’s the deal this time? More clones from alternate dimensions?
Lex Luthor: Lois, Lois. Can we please be civil for once? Innocent until proven guilty and all that.
DP: Well you do have a way of dodging proof.
LEX: I see it more as the truth has a way of finding the light. I have a very talented staff working to insure that happens again in this case.
DP: I think you’re going to find it a little difficult to manufacture that “truth” this time around. Thousands of people witnessed the so-called “Rain of the Supermen” firsthand. I was one of them. I barely made it out of the there alive.
LEX: And you do have my condolences. I know at times like these people are looking for someone to blame. A scapegoat if you will. And I’m an easy target. People see the man in the large office and the penthouse apartment and they forget about the hard work that got me there. They just see money and then they see red. But the fact of the matter is here, it was a horrible accident. A freak twist of science that no man could have predicted. But please, let’s think about this logically. What could I have to gain from the death of my customers? No one could withstand this amount of bad publicity. Not even the cigarette companies.
DP: Okay, let’s say you’re right. Let’s say you had no idea that that this would happen, despite many conflicting reports to the contrary. Shouldn’t you still be held accountable for this tragedy? Shouldn’t your Everyman Project not have been put on the market until it was completely ready for consumer use?
LEX: But it was, Miss Lane. My program was approved by every government agency that could possibly approve it.
DP: Government agencies aware of your company’s deep pockets.
LEX: Government agencies hired by elected officials. Are you saying we should blame the American people for what happened on New Year’s, instead of directing our anger toward where it truly belongs?
DP: And where’s that?
LEX: Why on the superheroes we depend upon so much. If every man cannot have far reaching abilities, then perhaps it’s time we stopped looking for saviors chosen by fate. Perhaps it’s time we outlawed these “super” beings.
DP: It’s an interesting topic, Lex, but one I doubt you’ll be able to comment on much from jail.
LEX: Then I’ll just have to get out of here rather soon, won’t I? Perhaps we can discuss it over dinner in the near future.
DP: You know I’m married.
LEX: And I was planning a vacation in China. But things change.
DP: Wait, what do you mean by that? You know something. What are you not saying?
LEX: Oh, look. It seems visiting hours are over. What a shame. We’ll have to continue this next week. Until then, if I were you I wouldn’t book any international flights anytime soon.
LEX: Evening Miss Lane. Have a night out on the town. We must enjoy these things while they last.