The Fall of an Empire?
by Lois Lane
METROPOLIS, FEBRUARY 8 —
The scene was that of organized chaos in Midtown this afternoon as hundreds of LexCorp employees were ushered out of their cozy cubicles in the company’s flagship building and into the brisk winter air, only to witness what some would dub the literal downfall of Lex Luthor.
“One minute, I was playing Minesweeper on my computer and eating some of my Big Belly Burger, then the next thing I know, that tool Brad from accounting comes in yelling that everybody’s got to get out of the building,” said Artie Kaminski, a file clerk from the eleventh floor. “You can imagine how unnerving that was. I mean, I was going for a high score here.”
“We were like sheep being herded down a staircase,” said Rebecca Hessler, a secretary from fifteenth floor reception. “If, you know, people herded sheep down staircases.”
But being shepherded out into the below freezing temperatures of the relatively quiet mid-afternoon New Troy streets was just the beginning of the excitement for these unsuspecting LexCorp employees.
“All the sudden, there’s yelling and everybody’s looking up and pointing,” said Sage Christopher, a cleaning woman also from the fifteenth floor. “I didn’t see what they were looking at, but I heard the explosion. It was like a rocket hit the side of the building or something. And all this debris was shooting everywhere.”
“By that time we were already across the street,” added Hessler. “I was buying a falafel from the meatman guy at the stand and then I see all these bricks flying through the air, and then I see some of those teenybopper superhero guys. What’s their names? The stretchy kid and the Goth chick, you know.”
“It was quiet for a while after that,” said Kaminski. “If you don’t count the ambulances or all those Teen Titans guys yelling at each other and stuff. So I’m thinking to myself that I’m going to get to go back inside soon. After all, I had my fantasy hockey draft later that afternoon to think about. But then, there’s some sounds from the roof, like yelling, and then I hear his metal bending sound. Like a special effect in a monster movie.”
What Kaminski was describing was the giant “L” positioned on the top of the LexCorp building almost as a symbol for financial domination. In whatever skirmish was taking place on the building’s rooftop, the “L” had somehow been dislodged and fell to the sidewalk over a hundred stories below, crashing into the awning over the building’s main entrance.
As of yet, there’s little explanation as to what actually happened within LexCorp’s secretive walls, and to what level of involvement the Teen Titans had in the fray, but the profound effect of the building’s near destruction on the hardworking men and women that it houses five days a week cannot be denied.
“It made me drop my falafel,” said Hessler. “And this great guy Brad, from accounting on eleven? Yeah he said it was like ‘L on Earth.’ Isn’t that funny? That guy just cracks me up.”