Remembering the Dibnys
by Perry White and Lois Lane
METROPOLIS, MARCH 1 —
We here at the Daily Planet have just been informed that the rumors of the death of Ralph Dibny, the hero formerly known as the Elongated Man, have indeed been confirmed. To honor his memory, and that of his recently deceased wife Sue, we’ve unearthed this transcript from years ago, that was once part of Lois Lane’s Justice League Europe interview series. Please join us in remembering this couple as they would have wanted: vibrant and very much in love. – PW
Lois Lane: I’m here with Ralph Dibny, the stretchable hero dubbed the Elongated Man, and his lovely wife Sue…
Sue Dibny: That’s sweet, but I’m not looking very lovely today.
Elongated Man: What are you talking about? Have you seen you?
SD: Honey, I haven’t even had time to take a shower since that whole thing with the Beefeater guy.
EM: Look at this woman, even without all the primping and makeup and she’s still like eight times out of my league.
SD: You’ve just described a wide majority of the population there.
EM: Hey, you’re the one that’s in love with me. Blame yourself, lady.
LL: Okay, you guys are going to have to stop this flirting or I’m ending this interview right now.
EM: Oh come on, Miss Lane. This is a happy couple at work, here.
LL: Not all of us are as into marriage as you are, Ralph.
EM: Well I think if a certain someone popped the question…
LL: Who are you…?
SD: He’s implying he knows Superman. He does this all the time.
LL: There’s nothing going on between myself and Super…
EM: I do know Superman.
SD: No you don’t, Ralph. Not really.
EM: What are you talking about? Of course I do. We’re both on the Justice League for crying out loud.
SD: Ralph, you’re on the Animal Man team.
EM: So what? It’s still the Justice League. We’ve got Flash.
SD: Kid Flash.
EM: He’s Flash. He’s got the costume now and everything.
SD: I could get a Wonder Woman outfit from the costume store. Doesn’t make me the real deal.
EM: Would you?
SD: Walked right into that one…
LL: Ahem. Let’s get to the questions, shall we? Ralph, how would you compare your time with the League in the States, to your duties now in Europe?
EM: Sue, you’ve even met Superman. How many mixers did I take you to back when we were based on the satellite?
SD: Sure, I’ve met him. But so has Brainiac and Darkseid. That doesn’t mean they’re like invited to his nephew’s christening or anything.
EM: This is because of yesterday, isn’t it? This is because I wouldn’t let you get that stupid plaid couch.
SD: I know Plastic Man is friends with him…
EM: It was triple what we wanted to pay!
SD: I always did like that no pants, no shoes look he’s got going on…
EM: Fine. Fine! We’ll go back to the furniture store right after this interview. Alright? Is that what you want me to say?
EM: Like our room in the embassy’s big enough for a fifty-three hundred dollar couch.
SD: Where’d Miss Lane go?
EM: Huh? Oh, I don’t know. Hey look, she left her tape recorder. Quick, quick, honey, break some stuff and let’s make it sound like we were kidnapped or something.
SD: Put it down, Ralph.
EM: Come on, like this. Hey, Mr. Evil Stranger who just came in the door. Put that gun away…
SD: Turn it off, Ralph.
EM: No sir, you’re not kidnapping us without a struggle.
EM: Okay, fine. But if I’m buying that couch, we’re finding you that Wonder Woman outfit…
End of recording