Luthor Promises Safe, Fun Thanksgiving Parade
by Ron Troupe
NEW YORK, NOVEMBER 22 —
Lex Luthor declared that this year’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in Manhattan will be a highly enjoyable event free of any trouble or danger to attendees. The billionaire businessman and former President of the United States has tapped his super hero team, the new Infinity Inc., to play an active role in the parade. The entire team will ride on its own float, be on hand in case anything goes wrong, and serve as a deterrent to anyone intending to disrupt the event.
“Let us forget about the past,” Luthor said at a press conference at LexCorp’s New York office. “This year’s parade will be safe-and more importantly, fun-for families, for friends, for people of all ages.”
While he did not mention it specifically, Luthor seemed to be referring to the incident that occurred at last year’s parade, in which strong winds knocked the Tipsy Turtle balloon into the Hooligan Hare balloon. That sent the Hooligan Hare balloon crashing into the side of a building, where its throat ripped open. Thousands of children watched in horror as their favorite cartoon character deflated and crumbled to the ground, seemingly “killed” after being attacked by his longtime arch-enemy. Not even Superman’s arrival on the scene, and his repairs to the balloon, were enough to restore the earlier festive mood.
This year’s parade will be the first one run by Luthor. For the previous 79 years of the annual event’s existence, it had been organized by the world-famous Lacy’s Department Store. Lacy’s, nicknamed “The Biggest Store on Earth” was bought by LexCorp three months ago. Upon acquiring the company, Luthor announced that the parade would be held as in years past, but under a new name: The Lex Luthor Thanksgiving Day Extravaganza.
“The name is different,” Luthor said, “but you can expect the same holiday cheer.”
Balloons making their debut in this year’s parade include Detective Chimp, Talky Tawny the Tiger, and Captain Carrot. According to sources close to Luthor, Tipsy Turtle and Hooligan Hare are out of the parade for the foreseeable future.