The 52 special

Madness at the Metropolis Mall

by Ron Troupe, Daily Planet Contributing Reporter

METROPOLIS, NOVEMBER 30 — 

It’s that time of year again. The time when hundreds of people, still sluggish and content from their mammoth feasts of turkey and mashed potatoes, flock by the thousands to the nearest shopping center, hand in hand with their family and friends, to catch a glimpse of the latest in the long line of “hot” holiday toys, see the faces of their young ones light up with pure joy, and then subsequently beat their next door neighbors to within an inch of their very lives.

This year, that “hot” toy is the Singin’ Starlight figure, based on the leader of Lex Luthor’s hero team, Infinity Inc. When triggered by a slight pressure on her palm, the three-foot behemoth of a doll belts out a cover of Huey Lewis’s “Doing It All For My Baby”. Yeah, we don’t get it either.

Whatever the attraction, the citizens of Metropolis are certainly drawn to it. At the Shuster Mall in downtown New Troy yesterday, shoppers were lined up outside the doors to Winslow’s Toys as early as three in the morning. But what started as an organized first come, first serve system, quickly turned into ruthless anarchy, before even the metal gates outside the store had a chance to fully retract.

“I was there first,” said Clare Hoggin-Goggin, a thirty-three year-old housewife from Swan County. “I didn’t even go to bed last night so I could be there bright and early. I had a little tent, and a portable alarm clock and everything. But yeah, try telling that to one of the ladies behind me. Soon as they opened the store, she was all over me, I couldn’t even get out of the way. Next thing I know, my nose is gushing blood and some big guy was yelling at me in another language because he got his foot caught in my pony tail and had to drag me down a couple aisles.”

“I didn’t even know what an Infinity Inc. was,” said Nick Nadel, a forty-year-old father from the East Side. “I just know that if my little Jennifer says she wants one, I’m gonna’ get one for her. And that’s that. End of story. It’s a father’s duty, you know what I’m saying? Or, I don’t know, I might just sell it online. I haven’t really decided yet.”

Indeed Nadel was one of the lucky one-hundred and fifty that scored a Singin’ Starlight of their very own. Liz Gutman, visiting from Midway City, wasn’t quite as fortunate. “Well at least I wasn’t one of those saps that got there early. But let me tell ya’, when it hit the fan, I was right there in the thick of it. I made it as far as the action figures, when some guy knocked over a whole shelf of these Congorilla toys and took me out of the running. I guess the high point was when I managed to box out this annoying chick with a pony tail. Least I ain’t the only one going home empty handed.”

And if that doesn’t sum up the true spirit of the holidays here in the big city, then nothing does.