The 52 special

Man on the Street 2

by Josef Schuman

METROPOLIS, APRIL 5 — 

With all the turmoil in the world these days, lasting friendships seem to be getting harder and harder to find. We here at the Daily Planet decided to take to the sidewalks and find out what techniques you, the average Metropolis citizen, uses to form those lasting bonds with the people in your life.

Lisa Voorhies
“I think it’s all about building a strong team dynamic, no matter how big or small your group of friends is. People respect organization, so when you give them each a specific task to accomplish, they really can appreciate that. That’s why at all my parties, I make sure I buy a big piece of unassembled furniture that I’ve had my eye on to give everyone something to do. After all, that wardrobe’s not going to build itself, so if you want to enjoy that bean dip, then you better get to hammering.”

Kelly Thiessen
“I think it’s is all about watching what you say. Everybody has that one word or phrase or something that sets them off and really pushes their buttons. You think it’s all empowering to put other people down and stuff, but it’ll just come back to bite you in the end. Like those little French poodles. You think everything’s okay, and then they wake up from their nap and bite off the tip of your index finger…You’ll have to excuse me. I should probably get going to the hospital. I’ve lost a lot of blood.”

Zack Gosselaar
“You want to know about friendship, I’ll tell you about friendship. So I got this buddy, goes to lockup for pinching some ladies bag, and I hears about it and first thing I’m at the station, paying his bail. That’s what friends do. Now a good friend, he pays you back first time he gets the opportunity to do so. Maybe runs an errand for you, that sort of thing. My friend, he skips town on the first flight he can book and thinks no one’s the wiser. But what he don’t know is one of my girls works the counter at LexAir, sees him leave on the 12:30 to Boca. So yeah, you know, it’s hard when guys are like that. But I’ll pay him a visit. In order to work on the friendship, I mean.”

Jessie Berkley
“Hmm. Friendship? Yeah, I don’t know about that. I thought I had a friend. I thought I had a very special friend, but I must have thought wrong. A real friend wouldn’t complain when you overcook his chicken one time, one time, in seven years of nightly homemade dinners. A real friend wouldn’t laugh and call you ‘heifer hips’ when you’re trying on a skirt at the store that happened to have an unflattering plaid pattern. A real friend wouldn’t stab you in the back when you least expected it by sleeping with your coworker and then spring the news on you in the middle of an otherwise pleasant brunch. So maybe I’m not the best person to ask. Maybe you should ask A.C. here. I’d be really interested in finding out what he has to say on the matter.”

A.C. Lopez
“To be fair, the chicken was really burnt. I chipped a tooth.”