The 52 special

Dear Santa…

by the Daily Planet Staff

NORTH POLE, DECEMBER 21 — 

Recently, we here at the Daily Planet received a bundle of letters to Santa Claus from the third grade class of PS 52 located in downtown New Troy. In the spirit of the holidays, we’ve decided to share a few of these missives with you before forwarding them on to the North Pole as instructed. Although we’ve typed up these originally handwritten notes, we’ve kept the grammar and spelling the same, not so much as to preserve the childlike innocence of the original letters, but more as a thinly veiled attempt to highlight our ever failing public school system. Enjoy!

Dear Mr. Santa,

I know that you get many letters and things from boys and girls all over town. They ask you for presants. But this year, with all that is going on in the world like in Khandaq, I thought that this year I will only ask you for one thing, and that thing is world piece.

Love,
Kelly Kleidon
PS 52, Third Grade

Dear Mr. Santa,

I think that if someone writes a letter to you not asking for anything for themselves, and asking for something like world piece or something like that, I think that you should give them extra presants because they are such a good person, and better than everyone else that they know, exspecially Ginger Milbrodt because she takes people’s apples at lunch and then people don’t have any apples any more and even if they tell there teacher then they still don’t get there apple back because the teacher will say that Ginger already ate it and there is nothing that she can do. You should give the person that likes world piece a Singin’ Starlight doll and a My Little Comet Dreamhouse Barn and a Rocket Red action figure and a Batwoman costume and a fish that she could name Melvin because that would really make Ginger mad because Melvin is the name of her fish that died at school when Sean Finkle put pencil shavings from the sharpener into its tank and Melvin thought that they were fish food and ate them all up just like they were somebody’s apple at lunch that wasn’t theres in the first place. Then to get back at Sean, Ginger put rocks in his mashed potatos the next day and Sean ate all of them because he just thought that the cooks made them lumpy or something because Sean is not very smart and sometimes he eats chalk during math class.

Love,
Ananamus
PS 52, Third Grade

Dear Santa Claus,

I just want my stomach to stop hurting. It hurts when I breathe.

From,
Sean Finkle
PS 52, Third Grade