Smallville Torch — Season One

WHAT I LEARNED THIS SCHOOL YEAR

By Chloe Sullivan

Lesson 1: If it’s weird, you must be in Smallville.

Lesson 2: High school is a constant state of metamorphosis. Just be careful what you change into.

Lesson 3: Allowing yourself to become a hothead will often cause you to burn bridges.

Lesson 4: If your friends need x-ray vision to discover your true inner self, you are suffering from an identity crisis.

Lesson 5: Kissing hot boys can be cool. Kissing hot boys to make yourself cool is not.

Lesson 6: Make the best of every stage of life, because you can never turn the hourglass over.

Lesson 7: If you have a craving for roadkill, you need to see a physician immediately.

Lesson 8: If you have excessive jitters, you need to see a physician immediately . . .

Lesson 9: Nothing good ever comes from being a rogue.

Lesson 10: A shimmer of jealousy can turn to obsession.

Lesson 11: Friends hug. Lovers kiss. And if you’re gonna kiss, its always good to have something minty beforehand.

Lesson 12: If you’re gonna leech off others greater than you, then be careful because with great power comes great responsibility. (Don’t ask me where I’ve heard that one before.)

Lesson 13: When encountering people with way too much kinetic energy, stay away from third-story windows.

Lesson 14: There is no such concept as “zero consequences.”

Lesson 15: Over 100 years ago, Nicodemus flowers nearly killed off half the state of Kansas before going extinct. If you come into contact with one, beware: harmful side effects include running people off the road, pointing guns at friends and family members, displaying inappropriate public affection, climbing windmills and taking off clothes in the middle of school.

Lesson 16: If you encounter anyone claiming to read your mind, be extra careful where you allow your thoughts to stray.

Lesson 17: There is very good justification for why the grim reaper has long been the symbol of death.

Lesson 18: Drones do not good leaders make.

Lesson 19: A crush is just a crush. Love is something totally different.

Lesson 20: Once you’ve been kidnapped, your life becomes like a personal camera obscura–things seem to get flipped.

Lesson 21: No matter how large the tempest, there is nothing that can’t be overcome when you have good friends and family to count on.

YEAR IN REVIEW

By Jake Black

At the end of every year, newspapers print “year-in-review” articles reflecting on the top 10 news stories that affected their readers. As our school year draws to a close, the Smallville High Torch has conducted just such a survey, and below are listed what you, the SHS students, feel are the top 10 most important events of our school year.

10. Feats of Fordman
Football star Whitney Fordman was looked at as a hero by many SHS students. He overcame the personal trials of losing his father and his on-again/off-again college scholarship. Whitney was a pillar of strength to many of us, and we wish him well in his pursuit of a career in the U.S. Marine Corps.

9. Talon Refurbished
It came as a shock this spring when Nell Potter sold the Talon Theater, and it was acquired in a joint effort by SHS student Lana Lang and Lex Luthor. The subsequent remodeling has led to a battle of the coffeehouses for teen hangout supremacy, as both the Talon and its rival, the Beanery, fought tooth and nail to gain the patronage of SHS students. But it was the Talon that won out, following a health code violation forfeit by the Beanery. The result? SHS students have a very cool place to hang out, drink coffee, watch old flicks and listen to local bands!

8. Torch Controversies
It was quite a year to write for the Torch. With Principal Kwan’s concerns over editor Chloe Sullivan’s choice of articles bringing more than a small share of scrutiny from the school district administration, “freedom of the press” seemed like a great misnomer. However, the attention has brought about an increase in journalistic professionalism and better reporting (we think). But we still have had our share of controversies, which led to near-censorship from the administration, like the “greatest desire survey” that may have caused students to ACT on their otherwise secret desires.

7. Blood Drive and Community Service
Lana Lang organized a blood drive this school year that resulted in the most pints of blood ever donated by a school in Lowell County history. It was an important deed by the SHS community, showing how much we care about others. Students volunteered at many service-oriented locations around town. When asked about his volunteering at the Smallville Retirement Center, Clark Kent commented, “I like helping others. It’s a great feeling!”

6. Dance Surprises
No other event at SHS had more surprises than our dances. From that anonymous truck-stacking prank, to the change in format for the vice versa dance, to the performance of Remy Zero at the Spring Formal, SHS had the most memorable dances in the world! Ways and Means Committee Chair Ellen Rydzewski really outdid herself despite the many obstacles she had to overcome. The SHS community will surely miss her after she graduates.

5. Lex Luthor Arrives
A BIG news story was the arrival of millionaire playboy Lex Luthor. His takeover as president of LuthorCorp Fertilizer Plant No. 3 gave many families of SHS students needed employment. From sponsoring field trips, to the remodeling/reopening of the Talon, Luthor’s high profile status in town has had a dramatic effect. Though his personal reputation isn’t rock solid, he has shown that he is a friend to Smallville, and particularly, SHS.

4. Death of Principal Kwan
We were all saddened by the recent tragic death of Principal Kwan. Much has been written in these pages about his contributions to SHS. All we can say is we miss you, Principal!

3. Student Elections
We all thought it would be the drama/cheer queen Felice Chandler…then, maybe Clark Kent. Who knew that after a harmful bee attack the winner would be Paul Chan. The Torchendorsed him, and now he will lead us next year in all our school activities. Congrats, Paul.

2. Champions
If you were an athlete at SHS, it was a roller coaster year. Smallville saw legendary football coach Walt Arnold achieve his record-setting win number 200 only to mysteriously die in a tragic fire on the same night. In his honor, the Crows went on to take the State Championship for the third time in school history.

1. Fertilizer Plant Closure
The biggest news of the year came just yesterday as LuthorCorp closed down the fertilizer plant, devastating Smallville’s economic structure. The damage done by the closure will certainly have long-lasting effects on Smallville. Many families are relocating to find work, and we have been sadly watching many of our friends leave after years of enjoying their companionship. But, as only we can, we at SHS bonded together and have tried to help one another out. Lana Lang wrote once that Smallville is the heart of a great state in the heart of a great nation. We have certainly seen this in the aftermath of the closure. On a personal note, I want to tell our favorite editor, Chloe, that I hope her father is able to find work here in town. I don’t pretend to know what kind of impact the events of the last few days will have on us in the years to come, but you can bet they will be dramatic…