This Mother’s Day, I’m grateful for the many motherly figures of my life, including my grandmother Grace and my Aunt Penny. However, today holds a special significance as it marks the eighth anniversary of my mother’s passing.

The date of her passing will sadly forever revolve around this holiday. Her memory is deeply ingrained in it, evoking a range of emotions that are difficult to comprehend. Writing them down has helped me process them.

My mother struggled with addiction throughout her adult life and ultimately succumbed to it. Despite this, she remained remarkably resilient. When I was younger, I lacked the understanding to grasp her struggles, leading to a strained relationship. I was raised by my grandparents while my mother was away, and I felt like she didn’t want us, my sisters and me. However, that wasn’t the case.

I often share a profound story with people. When I was in high school, my mother was in an abusive relationship. I can’t fathom why, but my adult life has given me wisdom that led me to understand that she felt alone and that was the best she felt she deserved. I’ve felt that way a few times, so I can only imagine she did too.

She decided to re-enter this abusive relationship, which angered my 18-year-old self. How could she do this? How could she? I was so enraged that I gave her an ultimatum: either drop the man who had physically abused her (multiple times) or don’t come to my high school graduation. Well, she didn’t come to my graduation. After the initial anger subsided, I felt incredibly guilty. To this day, I carry that guilt.

In an attempt to make amends, I wore my cap and gown and surprised her when she visited us years later. I’m incredibly grateful that the idea struck me. However, she still missed that significant milestone. The guilt gnawed at me. So, I ensured she had a seat at my first college graduation. Tragically, she passed away days before, and I couldn’t rectify the situation. My anger fueled crushing guilt, leading to a strained relationship between us. I’m forever regretful of that. We shared many similarities, and I wish I had confided in her more. I wish I had the courage to come out to her while she was alive so I could reveal my true self. She did offer wise advice when she sensed my struggles with sexuality.

“I love you no matter what. You always matter to someone.”

My mother’s last words to me on the phone, sensing I was struggling with something.

Her passing had a profound impact on me. It taught me that life is too short to harbor grudges or remain angry. While she was alive, she instilled in me a sense of empathy. Her passing reminded me of the importance of ultimate forgiveness and the liberating power of love without judgment or resentment. 

So, this Mother’s Day, don’t be so quick to anger. It may seem easy to express that emotion swiftly, but it’s far simpler to love and forgive. We’re here on this earth to support one another, and life is far more fulfilling when we do our best for others, regardless of whether they’re loved ones or not. You never know what someone is going through. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. 

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