Smallville Torch

Volume 50, Issue 46 | 2001

A DECENT BOYFRIEND AND OTHER URBAN LEGENDS

By Chloe Sullivan

Okay, how hard can it be to find a respectable guy at Smallville High? It’s not like I’m asking him to be a supergenius, supercool supermodel. He doesn’t have to be super anything. He could just know my last name or call.

Despite my knee-jerk urge to go talk-show on you, I’ve decided to give this particular rant a positive twist. As some yoga guru I’ve never met no doubt would say, “As you think, so shall it be.”

So instead of lingering on the obvious–most high school boys are selfish, immature, superficial idiots–I’ve decided to suck it up and give them some help.

Here are a few pointers to help you be a better boy:

1. If you say you’re going to call…call. 
2. If you say you’re going to show up…show up. 
3. If we’re complaining, don’t try to fix it. Just give us kisses, cake or flowers.
4. If we leave the room angry, we probably want you to follow and apologize.
5. If you think you’ve done nothing wrong, trust us, you have. 
6. “Boyfriend” is not a dirty word.

It’s a paradigm shift, I know. But the sooner you embrace these easy rules, the sooner you’ll be basking in the ever-elusive love of that cute girl who sits next to you in homeroom. And by the way, the last name’s Sullivan, and if you do call–just make sure it’s before 11.

• WHERE ARE OUR PRIORITIES?
• TORCH TORCHED
• HEROES REVEALED!
• CROWS WIN STATE CHAMPIONSHIP FOR WALT!
• A DECENT BOYFRIEND AND OTHER URBAN LEGENDS
• FIRE AND ICE AND EVERYTHING NOT SO NICE
• Smallville: America’s Strangest Town
• TAKE YOURSELF OUT OF THE DRIVER’S SEAT
• THE MOST CONTROVERSIAL SPEECH EVER GIVEN IN SMALLVILLE
• NORMAL GIRLS OF THE WORLD UNITE!
• MY SEASON AS A BENCHWARMER: Doing My Part For The Cause
• SMALLVILLE: MUTANT CAPITAL OF THE WORLD
• SMALLVILLE: LAND OF THE STRANGE
• RESPECT: IT’S NOT EXTINCT
• KWAN CRUSHES FREEDOM OF SPEECH
• DEDICATION
• WE WANT YOUR BLOOD